I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
