Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
