when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
