"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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