Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
