broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
