I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
