We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
