note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
