I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
