so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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