your room smells of hookers.
And success
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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