Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
