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i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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