btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
