New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
