2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
