I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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