32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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