just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
