a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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