maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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