You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
