don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Even my vagina gasped.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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