I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
