I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
