dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize