I can tuck mytits in my pants
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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