i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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