omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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