you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
