Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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