So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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