I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
