her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
