she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
