1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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