i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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