why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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