I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
