i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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