Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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