It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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