I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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