My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
