last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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