ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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