3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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