He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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