Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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