Moan for me like Helen Keller
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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