I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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