There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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