Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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