I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
