You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
