i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
