It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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