I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
